Friday, November 30, 2007

heart’s a flutter

We only get this chance once a lifetime
this chance to live our dreams out
to follow our heart's desire
to find happiness
The chance lasts a lifetime
but only one
no more - no less
just one
But deep within and all wrapped up in your single chance
you have hundreds of months
thousands of days
millions of minutes
in which you can make a difference
Each and every second - you have a choice
to choose your fate
your destiny
the "predetermined path"
is determined by you...
And what will you do?
Where will you go?
Will you let anyone stand in your path?
Take anyone along for the ride?
only time will tell...
and though we seemingly have lots
it's speeding up on us
and the clock tick tocks
and my heart lies open
stretching towards the light
in the twinkling night sky
as I decide to choose...........
just what it is my heart desires

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

it should be a law!!!!!

just thought I'd share a massive pet peeve of mine with ya'll

don't you think it should be a law that all public restrooms have coat hooks in them? I mean really, chances are if you're using a public restroom in the first place you're going to be at least carrying your purse with you (well maybe this bulletin is mostly for the ladies) and we live in MN - it gets damn cold and nasty and we wear big puffy jackets that are usually hard to keep on while we're usin the pisser - and if it's raining we have an umbrelly - I mean DAMN... who wants to put their shit down of the floor of a dirty ass bathroom or try to juggle it while hovering over the toilet??

come one now public establishments - go easy on us ladies will ya!!!!
Have a lil luv!!!!

I mean geez - sometimes we don't even want our kids to touch the nasty ground in there

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

ma thinks too hard - again.....

Current mood: contemplative

BEWARE - this one's a little lengthy!!!!

it's quite possible that my brain may implode one day due to the many frazzled thoughts that drift in and out of my consciousness

because of the stretching and manipulating I've been doing to my head recently in school - I find my thoughts spiraling out of control at times

and so here I am to spew them forth again, in my traditional manner of random idiosyncratic ramblings

I've been noticing lately how so much of life is interconnected.... I'm taking 5 classes now, and I can't tell you how many times I've had to stop and ask myself why they couldn't all have been combined into just one - it really would make things a lot easier on my schedule

Most of my classes center around communication
Keyboarding - I'm doing it right now to communicate to you all
Fundamentals of Business Computers - well I guess computers are definitely medium of communication
Business English - learning proper gramme will help me to communicate appropriately when I'm working in a stuffy office environment
Interpersonal Communication - duh
Business Culture and Communication - 'nother duh

so since I've mostly been doing a lot of thinking lately, I've been pondering the power of thought and what sort of affect (or is it effect?) or influence it has on communication

how much of what you think actually gets morphed into words?

what is the level of importance placed on those hidden things we keep wrapped in our thoughts and how does that relate to our communication with others?

people often misinterpret actions or even words based on their own perception of what's going on.... in other words, their hidden thoughts and beliefs have had a great impact on their supposed reality

we often grow frustrated or aggravated when our thoughts aren't considered - but how can we when they are mostly hidden?

maybe because we put so much effort forth and spend so much time on our thoughts - we unconsciously expect others to be in some way aware of them?

we live in a culture where we place a high amount of value on our individuality - I wonder what price we pay when it comes to communication when we consider this? how much communication is avoided or cut short due to the fact that who we are communicating with, because of their differences, may not be a part of the reality we have created for ourselves?

why do we limit ourselves so?

our culture has also become highly dependent on technology as our major source of communication - cell phones, web cams and email have replaced land lines, face to face encounters and letter writing - television, iPods and Web sites have replaced plays, concerts and community meetings. Sure, a lot of the things we've essentially replaced are still around and being used by many, but the impact of them has shifted. We have grown bored and impatient with traditional modes of communication and we crave fast, impersonal, and highly visual flashes of information instead of close personal contact that seems to be too intimate and take too long - taking too much away from our busy individualistic lives.

So today on my way home for lunch, as I'm waiting at the bus stop, I start to think. Out of the 7 or so other people waiting in the shelter with me, at least 4 of them are on their cell phones, either texting, checking the Internet or playing games. We are all interconnected, crammed together within the shelter of the bus stop, probably all struggling with the pressures of being in college, and yet we all stay highly distanced from each other. Not one of us thinks to say hello, or spark up a conversation. We all have our own distinct style and personality - I can tell this by the way we look, smell, act - yet we all have things in common that we could build off of with communication. I started thinking about how our culture values individuality and how if I were at a bus stop in another country maybe people would be speaking to one another instead of being glued to their cell phones. People might focus on their similarities instead of their differences. And then, as I'm riding the bus home today I noticed something else related to communication. I was trying to manage my clumsy wheely backpack, my unbuttoned jacket and my purse - we all know how unstable a bus ride can be - so I was in a constant state of juggling trying to make sure the wheely backpack stayed upright, my purse stayed on my lap, and my unbuttoned jacket stayed wrapped snugly around my cold body. As I was gathering my things and readying myself to get off at my stop, there was a man on the bus who started chuckling and said to me that I didn't have to worry, no one was going to steal my stuff. I might add that this man was African American and most likely mistook my shuffling and reorganizing as a sign of fear and worry for the safety of my belongings, he undoubtedly misread my actions as a sign of prejudice being as he was the only person in the back of the bus with me at that time. I chuckled a bit with him and pointed out that I was in fact getting ready to get off the bus and was only trying to gather my things, and/or make sure that my backpack wouldn't go toppling over again (it did so 3 times on this ride when I momentarily let go of it) but I could tell that he had his mind made up, and my explanation to him seemed to be taken as a bit of an excuse. I was a bit taken aback by his comment, and angered a bit that he could have misinterpreted me like that. I am far from being prejudiced and hadn't had a single worry about my property. I realized that all of the unspokens can be very powerful communication methods too. I realized that in order to be truly understood, we must open ourselves up to the world around us and start communicating. Little did this man know that I was thinking deeply on this bus ride- pondering interconnection, communication, and thoughts as I surveyed my fellow riders. Trying to learn more and probe into their highly separate lives, making assumptions and assessments, just as he did to me, based on their appearance and what I thought of it all....

What a trip! (literally AND figuratively)

PS I'm so glad to be back in school and filling my brain with things other than what everyone wants to look like and how they want to be styled - but I can also appreciate how interconnected the whole process really is - no matter how much you learn or know, it all seems to boil back down to what you look like and how you think....
haha
superficiality may be the death of me

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

connectedness
I think a lot about how separate I am
I seem to forget about the connections
it's like the 6 degrees
of separation
here I am on my stranded little island
thinking I'm oh so alone
and yet the water splashes
splashes me wet
and rinses me free
water is my friend
and I can hear the wave
the whisper of the sea-foam
the tragic clash of tide
sweeping away my sandy shore
where I once stood tall
where I once stood with someone
the waves have washed away
more than my sadness
more than my link
more than my love
the waves have washed away my time
they've washed away my past
away it has all gone, but no
gently swaying somewhere in the sea
the ocean keeps it safe
the water keeps it moist
the fish keep it company
it's all still here
just the same as everything ever lost
and yet to be found
we have all that we need
on our island oasis
trees for shade
sun for vitamin
food for thought
and I wonder
why it is I feel so alone
sometimes
when everything I ever need
or want
is right here for me
all I have to do is reach.....

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

it's coming


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the cool and crisp air of fall
sometimes it soothes my soul
and othertimes it gives me
brainfreeze
I hate the way it whispers in my ear
more like a shout really
I need to invest in some muffs
haha muffs for my ears that is
earmuffs
so's I can keep pedeling
my ass across this almost frozen tundra
there's nothing worse than the feeling of
cold limbs and frozen face
along with the strange sensation
of sweaty bod
you can't dress for this type of
torture
facemask, earmuffs, scarf
large puffy down insulated gloves that make it difficult
to grasp the handlebars
legwarmers up our legs and arms
nice warm pants that are very skinny on just the right side
to avoid damage from being caught in the chain
or maybe I could start pinning and rolling again
like I did in elementary school
bringing it back!!! aw yeah!!!!
then you need to top off the ever stylish ensemble with
a tank top or possible tank style turtle neck
because your torso and mainly pits
are bound to get sweaty
as you pedal and pedal
fuk it....
it's just about bus season for me

I hate the cold - it makes me crabby!

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Friday, September 7, 2007

Thursday, August 30, 2007

remember deep thoughts with Jack Handey?

Current mood: blah

well today I'm having a kind of a deep thoughts day....
maybe it's the full moon casting her spell of enchantment upon me
maybe it's the eclipse
maybe it's because my brain is being fondled in many ways via MCTC
whatever the reason - today I am thinking deeply

as I look around the computer lab I see many faces
we are all quiet
I can hear the tip tap tippity tap of fingers typing away
an occasional cough or squeak of chair
we are all here to study
but most of us are on myspace
searching

for connections
when we are all sitting in this room together
not saying a damn thing to one another

I send you pictures and stupid bulletins
comments
I try to be fun and witty and involved
and yet here I sit on the other side of the screen
pitter pat tap type
"Hellooooooooooo there - friend!"

friend?

I wonder how long this technical era will last?
How far will it take us?

I can only go so far this way before I need more
and yet I find it easier to say things here
my words pour forth with more ease when they are
tapped into existence
versus rolled off of tongue

I'm done in the computer lab
got all the info I needed off of the online
dictionary

but I wait here for the information
I truly need

I should go outside
and enjoy the rays of light
invite my son to lunch if his father will agree

I will go now
and read the four chapters I must before 3pm

adios ami-gos and -gas!